Love, Life, Meaning Over
by TeamEdward1
Summary: Leave Bella live a normal, happy, human life. While I ran far away, I could hear faint voices and thoughts of people searching for Bella, and her heart beat, for the last time. Shortly it started to fade. I fell to the floor. Letting the pain have me.
1. The End

_To never return ever again. Leave Bella live a normal, happy, human life. While I ran far away, I could hear faint voices and thoughts of people searching for Bella, and her heart beat, for the last time. Shortly it started to fade. I fell to the floor. I had no idea where I was going, so I curled into a ball._

Hey, this is my first FanFiction. Hope you like it. Rate and Review please.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Stephenie Meyer does :D

_  
(From page 66)  
Edwards P.O.V_

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked before she got into her truck.

"Of course not."

"Now?" I said only now realising my voice sounded urgent. Obviously, because remembering what I had to do soon, knowing that I was going to hurt Bella by doing it. But not doing it would hurt her so much more.

"Sure," She was trying to keep her voice even.

"I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there." I looked at the fat envelope, thinking it though. I needed to make sure no one would have these pictures, especially Bella. I reached over her, took the photo album and said "I'll do it, and I'll beat you there." I smiled, it probably looked wrong, because Bella didn't smile back when she replied. "Okay," I closed her door and went towards my car. Sighing, I opened the envelope. I looked through the pictures - noticing how lifeless I looked, and most of all how different Bella and I were.

I had to put it down - think - what shall I do with them? I can't post them to her mother, but I want Bella to remember. I never want her to forget me. But she had to. For her own sake.

I started my car up, and drove out of school. I left my mind wonder - remembering the first time I talked to Bella. She was sat at her table, and as I pulled the chair out, she didn't look up.

"Hello," I said quietly "My name is Edward Cullen, I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

Bella turned to look at me; "H-how do you know my name?" She stammered. I laughed.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." She grimaced.

"No, I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

"Do you prefer Isabella?" She had corrected every person who'd called her Isabella. Then I realised not everyone had perfect hearing and could read minds.

I realised I was going way over the speed limit and decided to slow down. Although, Im not completely sure why I did. Maybe I wasn't ready to do this. No, I definitely wasn't ready. I don't want to leave, I wanted to be with Bella - never leave her side. Forever. That meant a little bit more to me - and reminded me I needed to think through what I was going to say, how to start. I couldn't even picture leaving her. The pain on her face. The nightmares she'd have knowing I won't come back. I knew the pain I was going to have to go through. Unbearable - I wouldn't even stay with my family. Live in an attic, go into the corner at roll into a ball, let the pain have me. This also reminded me how Alice had reacted when she saw the vision of me - alone in obvious pain. Sobbing because I couldn't cry. When I came home, after being at Bella's house, she was waiting for me on the steps. All she said was "Why?". I tried to ignore her. I didn't want to talk about it but she followed me in; once I'd gotten to my door, she grabbed hold of my sholder and begged me "Please don't make us leave Edward, I love her too." Esme had overheared and came to see what was going on. She asked and Alice explained to her. Esme said "Edward, you don't know what pain you will put yourself and Bella in. You love her, We all do." All I could say was "Exactly." I went into my room to change.

That's why I was leaving. I knew that loving Bella was just putting her in danger. Like I'd once said when we were sat at a table in lunch, "Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it, if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you. To keep you safe."

By now I was just coming onto Bella's street and realised I was out of time. I hadn't thought it through properly. Was she going to let me go? Would she understand?

I parked in Charlie's spot. I had about three minutes.

I'd just remembered the photographs - I needed to hide them. I decided to take Bella for a walk into the woods - only a little walk so she could find her way out. But, if she didn't, she needed a note to Charlie. I got out of my car and ran to Bella's bedroom window with the album. When I got in I looked at everything. Remembering. Not wanting to forget. I went down stairs and wrote a quick note; _'Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, back soon, B.'_ I left it where I knew Charlie would find it, and went back to her room. I took everything we'd given her - the CD, aeroplane tickets, and the photo album. I didn't want them, so I picked up a floor board and put them under there. I took my final glance around the room. My last time here. And then I returned to my car, to await Bella.

I went to my car, waiting for Bella's truck to come around the corner. It did after about half a minute. I got panicky. I practised my mask. It would be worse if she knew I was lying or faking it.

Bella looked toward the house and frowned - noticing when ever I parked here, I didn't plan to stay. I got out of my car to meet her. I took her book bag from her - like usual - but put it back down on the seat.

Using my mask, and making sure my voice didn't betray me, I said, "come for a walk with me", taking her hand.

She didn't answer. She looked scared - maybe she new what was coming. But thinking again, she probably didn't. She thought totally different from everyone else.

I didn't wait for her answer - just pulled her toward the east side of the yard, to the forest. She was following unwillingly, a few steps into the forest and I stopped. We could still see the house. Perfect.

I let go of her hand and leaned against a tree, looking at Bella. Remembering every line, every curve, of her beautiful face. For the last time.

"Okay, let's talk," she said calmly. I took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving." She took a deep breath, after I said this.

"Why now? Another year--" She asked but I interrupted her - "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and hes claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." She looked confused. I stared back coldly. She looked sick.

"When you say we-," she whispered. She'd misunderstood.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word sparater and distinct. She shook her head back and forth, clearing it. It took a few minutes before she spoke again.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

"You can't Bella. Where were going... It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me." It's not Bella don't you see? I was trying so hard to not hurt her anymore.

"I'm no good for you, Bella" I said.

"Don't be rediculous." She was trying to sound angry. It was more like a plea. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you." I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right, It was exsactly what was to be expected." I agreed.

"You promised! In Pheonix, you promised that you would stay--"

"As long as that was best for you." I interrupted again, correcting her.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" She shouted. She was furious. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's yours already!" She would give her soul? To be with me?

I took a deep breath again. Staring, unseeingly, at the ground for a while thinking. What could I say to make her let go? Then I thought there's one thing I could say. I didn't want to say it. It would be the worst thing I could ever said. The blackest lie I've told in my exsistence. There was two voices in my head - the real me saying, 'Don't do it, tell her you were lying', and the other, 'Edward, it's for her safty, anything to make her safe'. I looked up, wearing my mask, wishing it was glued there, and said "Bella. I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly and precisely. Making sure my voice wouldn't betray me.

I looked at her face. Watched her absorb what I was sayying.

"You... don't... want me?" She said, trying out the way they sounded in that order. It cut me deeply knowing what she'd just said applied to me. I wanted to shout 'No! I was lying, Bella. I will always love you, forever. But I want you to be safe. I have to leave for your own good' but, I would not allow it. And neither would by concience. This was the only way to let her live a safe life, with out vampires. Without mythical creatures.

I said "No." before my mask melted away - to concentrate on what I was doing. She stared into my eyes - looking for the truth. I stared back without apology.

"Well that changed things." I was shocked, her voice sounded so calm. So sure. That it was true. She believed me? After all the times I had told her I loved her. Knowing I loved her more than anything.

I looked away into the tree's, and said, "Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back "I've let this got on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." She said whispering. "Don't do this."

I just stared at her. Now there was no turning back. I'd done it. She needed to let me go completely.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I decided to turn my earlier words around. She had no arguement.

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. I partly new what she would have said 'I now perfectly well I'm not good _enough_ for you, you want someone better'. I waited for her to say something. Anything. My face was void of emotion. She tried again.

"If... that's what you want." I just nodded - unable to talk. Knowing my voice would give me away, because she understood, she was going to let go. She went still. When I'd fount my voice I said "I would like the ask one favor, though, if that's not to much," She looked hopeful. I quickly composed my face.

"Anything." she vowed.

"Don't do anything stupid or reckless, do you understand what I'm saying?" I looked her right into the eye - making sure she would agree. I wouldn't be able to cope if I knew she would go and do something stupid. She nodded.

I breathed a silent sigh of relif. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him." For me.

She nodded "I will" she whispered. I relaxed again. But not by much.

"And I will make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never exsited." She was shaking, her heart was pounding. She didn't want this.

I smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." To bad for my kind though.

"And your memories?" She choked out.

It was like she could read my mind. Or, maybe my face gave me away.

"Well" I hesitated, saying the first thing I thought of "I won't forget. But my kind... we're easily distracted" I smiled. It didn't touch my eyes though. I stepped away. "That everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

She became aware of something I'd said, but I hadn't noticed anything out of place. "Alice isn't coming back," They had all left. Alice was furious that I wouldn't let her say goodbye.

I shook my head. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" She said her voice blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." She looked dizzy, unable to concentrate. Her breath wasn't coming properly.

"Goodbye, Bella." I said peacefully.

"Wait!" She choked, reaching for me. I reached for her, too. But let my hands lock around her wrists, and pinned them to her side. I leaned down, slowly, and pressed my lips to her forehead, briefly. She closed her eyes.

"Take care of yourself." I breathed, against her walm skin.

And I ran. To a nearby tree, climbing to a place where Bella wouldn't notice me. Where I could wait, to make sure she got home safely.

Her eyes flashed open, noticing I had left, and tryed to walk with shaky legs, but not back to her house, into the forest. She must've been following me. She kept moving searching, but not finding anything.

Love. Life. Meaning... Over.

I realised I was empty. This is what it feels like to have no life. To be souless. Have no meaning for exsistence.

Bella walked and walked. Hours were passing by, she didn't realise. Her father would be home, and come to look up the path.

Then she fell, stumbled over something. Not watching where she was going. It was dark now, she didn't get up. She stayed down, rolling onto her side, to breathe, then curled up into a ball on the wet bracken. She fell asleep, shivering from a bad thought, maybe thinking she was alreay having nightmares.

Bella rolled over several times and nearly shouted "Edward. No. Don't please! Stay, Edward!" I was teriffied of knowing that once again I was a main sorce to her nightmares. I nearly went over to her to wake her up and say "It's okay, Bella. I'm here". I decided it was time to leave. To never return ever again. Leave Bella live a normal, happy, human life. While I ran far away, I could hear faint voices and thoughts of people searching for Bella, and her heart beat, for the last time. Shortly it started to fade. I fell to the floor. I had no idea where I was going, so I curled into a ball.


	2. Distraction

_**Some times in New Moon as Edward while he wasn't with Bella and basically what I would think he went through :D**_

It's about 8:15pm. I'm in my car. Driving. I hadn't decided where yet, but I new I was heading towards Brazil and already doing 95 miles per hour. I didn't really care to be honest. If I crashed, I'd live. If I went too fast, I could pay the ticket off, easy.

I still wasn't paying attention when I came of that road and onto another; the only thing that ran through my head was Bella. Her chocolate brown eyes, her heart beat, like a bird singing on an early morning, the way it sped up just by my touch, her blush, from whenever she looked me right in the eye, her lips, full and a beautiful pink.

I was turning off again, onto another road, which I didn't know the name for. I always allowed my mind to run free, to think only about Bella. Not the fact that I'd left my family, freeing them of my pain and my tearless sobs. Not the fact that I was trying to track Victoria. It was beginning to become very unsuccessful.

I finally decided to pull over and see where I was, well, that's really an excuse. I was starting to feel a pain in my chest, which I new only happened when I remembered everything about Bella. It felt like a hole. Deep. Raw. Painful.

I knew how it felt without a heart beat, but never in my existence have I ever felt without a heart. I felt empty, hollow. Just like in reality, out of my body, I felt like there was no need for my presence. I just caused pain and unhappiness.

I hadn't realized I had my eyes closed. I opened them and automatically adjusted to the street lights and car headlights. I looked out my window to find myself in San Antonio, Texas - I was on a turn off, about to go on Route 281 near Edinburg. I was still using my distractions - though they weren't working - to track Victoria, she had made her way to Brazil and I was following, to kill her.

I decided to lie down on the front seat, and stare at the car ceiling.

I remembered the first night I left Bella.

_FLASH BACK_

_By the time I had left her it was late and dark outside, but it became to painful to watch Bella sleep unhappy dreams, and decided it was time to leave and never return. Obviously, once I was in Alaska, where my family were, Esme was sobbing. Alice was having visions of a blurry Bella, but the first one that came to me was her and Charlie having a conversation about the note I left. Charlie was trying to make Bella tell him if I'd left her in the woods, but Bella - interrupting Charlie - covered her ears and said, "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room"._

_Before he answered, she walked of to her bed room. She rushed over to her CD player and checked the disk inside. Of course, it was empty. She lifted the photo album and opened it. There were no photographs, just labels. She only looked at the first page, and then fell to the floor. I gasped - what happened to her? I was gripping onto the wheel of my car even tighter; my knuckles turning white, but then noticed she hadn't lost consciousness. She looked in very serious pain and went bone white. Soon after she fell asleep on the floor, crying._

_END FLASH BACK._

I was curled up into a ball, in the passenger seat, sobbing, uncontrollably, all the while picturing Bella in my mind, repeating her name. _Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella._

No matter how much I tried to ''distract'' myself, it was pointless.

I now really wished I could sleep, to escape the real world, escape my reality, dream happy, colourful dreams about Bella and I, us being together forever the human way, not the super natural. But then again, dreams could also be nightmares. The kind I was living in. Life without Bella was a nightmare. I couldn't get through a single hour without an image of Bella crossing my mind. Or her voice. Or her sweet scent.

Time passed slowly though, my watch, now ticking, showed it was only 9:15. I had gone through all that in an hour. My mind was beginning to get slower than a human mind.

I was sat up now. I hadn't even realized. I was looking through the window - staring really - at the night sky, the stars, and the moon. It was pointless too, yet another unsuccessful distraction, because the sky reminded me of my life with Bella, stars were glistening and the moon shining. Now, I didn't see anything. It was black, white and boring, and I understood why. All my time spent with Bella, my whole life shined because of just Bella's company. I would still shine without her before, because I knew I would be seeing her soon. Now I know I'll never see Bella ever again, life's pointless. Unnecessary. And to think I've got an eternity of it left.

I started my car up, for something to do, and headed off the road to continue tracking Victoria. And to continue imagining my existence with Bella. Asking myself question's I will never, ever, get the answers to.

_**Tell me if you want me to continue - So review - if I am going to continue I'm going to skip to when Rosalie calls Edward telling him that Bella is dead.**_


	3. One outcome

_**A little 'teaser' or what ever. The next chapter should be up either tomorrow or the next day hopefully.**_

I always answered my phone when my family rang, I mean why not? But I had a reason now a perfect reason; when you get told the one thing you never wanted to know. I know I would have liked to know, but just didn't want it to be true.

Anyone could break a promise, I have, to many times. But one promise that meant so much to me, just to keep me a little more sane while being away, got broken and it was my fault. And now there's no turning back, there's only one outcome for me; death.

_**Review Please :D**_


	4. The Phone Call

_**A/N Thanks for the reviews they were so nice. Review again! By the way I'm not writing a Volturi part because I don't know the character as much as I would like to, so it would be stupid.**_

_**This was soo difficult to write because I didn't know how to write him starting to understand that Bella was actually dead, so it took some time and being home has been 'eventful' lately so I haven't had time either.**_

_**Right, enough of my excuses.**_

_**Edward POV, when Rosalie rings.**_

I was running through the forest at top vampire speed, not even taking in the forest like I used to.

I was in Brazil, still tracking Victoria. I wished I hadn't started. I was rubbish at tracking.

Suddenly my phone vibrated, I flipped it open. _Rosalie_. Hmm, what does she want?

I opened my phone and Rosalie started with the usual, "Hi, where are you?" I answered Brazil simply.

"Oh, Alice had a vision earlier-" She said, but I interrupted.

"I hope this isn't about Bella! I told Alice not to look for her future!" I hissed.

"Well, yes, Edward, it is about Bella, but you really should know what's happened."

"What?" I asked confused.

"OK, I'll start from the beginning." Rosalie answered. "So, Carlisle and Esme had left not long before and Alice came home from a little hunting trip with Jasper, she looked awful. I sat her down, with me, Emmett and Jasper. I could tell she was having visions, but wouldn't answer when we talked to her. I asked Jasper, he told me to wait and Alice would tell us. Soon after Alice stopped having visions, she turned to look at me and Emmett and said, "Bella's... B-Bella's.", I waited and she finally blurted it out Bella's dead."

_WHAT?! _SHE'S WHAT?! I hadn't noticed I was thinking aloud and Rosalie answered, "She's dead Edward, so you can come home now, there's no need for you to be hiding when there's nothing to hide from." Rosalie answered me, as if she was proud to be the one to tell me.

"Bella's dead... I don't understand, she promised!" I spoke mainly to myself.

"Edward get over her, she was a useless little human. Come home!"

"Rosalie, do you even know me, _at all?_ Do you think that because Bella doesn't exist anymore I can carry on living?" It was a rhetorical question and thankfully Rosalie didn't answer. "You just don't get it, do you? I _love_ Bella. Just like you love Emmett, is this what you would want me to say to you if he had died?" I asked.

"No, but it's different." She answered, slightly unable to.

"No Rosalie, it's not!" I argued, but gave up. Rosalie's always been selfish, always thinking of herself.

I hung up without saying good-bye and stopped dead in my tracks. Suddenly something sunk in, properly. Wait? What did Rosalie say? Bella's... Dead? _Dead_? Bella. Is. Dead. _No, no, no, no, no!_ I thought over and over again.

I stood there frozen. I didn't understand.

It didn't make sense. But really it did, the past few months all I've wanted, except for Bella, is to not exist, to die and not go through the pain of losing the one thing life which is pointless without.

I just remembered - surprisingly - my last good time with Bella.

_- FLASH BACK -_

_"Last spring, when you were... nearly killed..." I paused taking a deep breath. It wasn't easy talking about this, but I tried to continue. "Of course I was trying to focus of finging you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not easy for me as it is for a human."_

_Bella shook her head and said, "contingency plans?"_

_"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." I rolled my eyes. "But I wasn't sure how to do it - I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help... so I was thinking maybe go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."_

_"What is a Volturi?" Bella demanded, furious._

_"The Volturi are a very powerful family, a very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America- Do you remember the story?"_

_"Of course I remember."_

_"Anyway you don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die - or whatever it is we do."_

_- END FLASH BACK -_

This memory gave me inspiration, but if I wanted it to work, I had to do it fast.

The main problem was that Aro is good friends with Carlisle and wouldn't do anything to offend him.

I already had my plan half made because of when James was tracking Bella.

_**A/N Next chapter is when he is making his way to the Volturi and when he calls Bella's house.**_

_**REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE! :D**_


	5. Volterra

_**A/N - So I feel really bad for not bothering to write this, yes, I have excuses but, I want to start writing and I may add them at the end. ;)**_

_**Now Edward is making his way towards the Volturi and is going to make a quick phone call.**_

_This memory gave me inspiration, but if I wanted it to work, I had to do it fast._

_The main problem was that Aro is good friends with Carlisle and wouldn't do anything to offend him._

_I already had my plan half made because of when James was tracking Bella._

It didn't seam right, like the pieces didn't fit together anymore.

My mind was working slowly. I'd just started walking through the crowds of people from sitting on a bench for an hour or two.

I was wondering around, when I suddenly thought that Rosalie may do anything just to make us a 'happy family' again, and that may even include lying about someones death, someone to special, but another part of me thought she wouldn't do that. There was only one way to find out, maybe if I rang Bella's house and asked for Charlie, he could tell me about Bella's possible death, but Charlie probably wouldn't talk to _me_, but he would talk to Carlisle, he had no reason not to.

I was still walking through the crowds of people when I took my phone out of my back pocket, flipped it open and fount Bella's number. It rang twice and a low intense voice answered, that was unexpected.

"Swan residence," the voice spoke, and I realized whose voice it was, Jacob Black from the Quileute reservation. I bit back a growl and spoke in my best Carlisle voice.

"Is Charlie there, please?"

"He's not here." Jacob answered.

"Where is he then?" I asked, quickly.

"He's at the funeral." He said and hung up.

I hadn't noticed I was sat on a bench, actually curled up would be what I'm doing now. Holding myself together.

People were staring at my pained face, but I didn't care. Rosalie was right. Bella is dead. There was no turning back now, myself and Carlisle weren't there to help heal her wounds. No one was.

I thought life with Bella was like a night sky with stars glistening and the moon shining, but then being without Bella was just black, white and boring, and now, life without Bella _existing_, it was nothing, it didn't mean anything, like words on a piece of paper, they don't mean anything until something is made out of them. My existence didn't mean anything until Bella came and made something out of it and made me have a reason to be there. Now what did I live for? Nothing. I could mourn over Bella's death, but that wouldn't bring her back, nothing would.

I could suddenly hear a women's thoughts, shouting Italian or chanting, "Cosa c'è di sbagliato con lui? Perché egli è coricato sul banco? Oh mio, lui guarda in grave dolore, e ha ricce up! Meglio avere un po 'di aiuto." _**(What is wrong with him? Why is he lying down on the bench? Oh my, he looks in serious pain, and he's curled up! Better get some help. What's wrong with him? Because he is lying on the bench. Oh my he looks in serious pain, and curled up! Better to have some 'help.)**_ She said and carried on. "Necessità di trovare qualcuno per aiutare lui! Rapidamente. Perché non muoversi? O con preavviso Sto cercando?"_** (Need to find someone to help him! Quickly. Why not move? Or notice I'm trying?)**_

I focused my eyes on the women in front of me, she started tapping my face, and this made me anger but I don't know why. So I got up and stormed of into the forest near by.

Why couldn't the woman just mind her own business and leave me alone? I needed space and time to think.

I felt a buzz from the side of me, my phone was ringing and Alice was calling me. I know what she would say, "Edward, come home. If you dare do anything stupid..." I would say, "Yes Alice, I am going to do something stupid, but it's only stupid to you." And it was. I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't need telling, so I started making my way towards the Volturi.

I walked down the street quickly. My phone kept buzzing so I chucked it in a bin nearby.

I kept walking and walking, thinking and memorizing Bella, her lob sided smile because one lip was bigger than the other, her hair in the wind when I drove her back from our day at the meadow, how she was unsurprised that I was over 100 years old and that she was only shocked that I was dying of the Spanish influenza. Bella was amazing, she lit up my whole life, gave me reasons to exist, even though I was a soulless creature of the night. Bella had a personality, she wasn't one of the girls who only thought about themselves and there latest and next boyfriends. Bella was something else, something special and not just because I couldn't read her mind.

Bella and I were meant to be together, like soul mates. We were two pieces of a puzzle that fitted together, even though the picture didn't look right in the end.

I'd been walking down the street for what seemed like days, although Sovicille was only about an hour away from Volterra.

I could hear people thinking and talking about the nineteenth, Saint Marcus Day, tomorrow. A perfect day to provoke the Volturi, this holiday is from Marcus of the Volturi's farther who had gotten rid of all vampires in Volterra, obviously that was nonsense.

I had gotten bored of walked and moved out of public view to run the rest of the way. Running gave me a sense of adrenalin, normally but now it was just the same as walking, but I was also bored of thinking through things, it was painful too.

I finally got to Volterra, and was just making my way up Via Roma, and once I had done on this street I would go onto Palazzo dei Priori, where the clock tower was.


	6. The Truth

_**READ!!**_

_**Sorry I've taken SO long to update, it's just I haven't had time AND Twilight came out last Friday and I'm still kind off in a daze (Robert Pattinson's fault!!)**_

_**This is so long, too.**_

_**So I've skipped the whole Volturi part because I don't know the character well enough and Edward would be reading their minds and I don't know what they think like... So now it is New Moon chapter 23. The truth.... ENJOY :D**_

_**And obviously thank you to everyone who commented you were sooooo nice!! Thanks :D**_

**New Moon, Chapter 23. The Truth. Edward p.o.v**

While I watched Bella sleep I thought about everything. When I left, Rosalie's call, going to the Volturi, when Bella stopped me from going into the sun, Bella meeting the Volturi, and finally being able to leave and come home, with Bella.

Bella started to wake-up and I couldn't decide what to say first. Would she believe me? Would she leave me?

She hadn't moved in a while so I assumed her body was stiff. Bella had also mumbled a lot, she had spoke fast and sounded scared.

Bella inhaled deeply and I touched her forehead, softly. She squeezed her eyes closed for a while and then she sighed and opened her eyelids slowly.

"Oh!" She gasped and threw her hands back over her eyes. She opened them again after a little while.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked quietly.

She blinked twice and said "Oh, _crap_," croakily. Her voice was thick from her sleep.

"What's wrong, Bella?" She frowned unhappily at what I said and I got really anxious.

"I'm dead, right?" Dead?

"I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie." I frowned at that.

"Your not dead."

"Than why am I not waking up?" She challenged, with raised eyebrows.

"You _are_ awake, Bella."

She shook her head

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And than it will be worse when I do wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renée and Jake..." She trailed of.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." I smiled grimly. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to end up in hell. Did you commit any murders while I was away?"

She grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me." I sighed, she was so wrong.

Her eyes flickered away to the open window, then back to me. A faint blush crossed her cheekbones.

"Did all of that really happen, then?" No wonder she thought she was dead, not every day you go to Italy and nearly get killed by vampires.

"That depends." I smiled but not properly, Bella shouldn't have experienced that. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange, I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes, "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent." _Not that I wanted you to._ I thought.

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours." She had stretched as I spoke.

"Charlie?"

I frowned, "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window... But, still, the intent was clear." I wasn't happy about it, but Charlie was right, I shouldn't see Bella after all the pain I caused her.

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Bella asked, her voice slipping into fury.

My eyes turned sad, I didn't want to be ban from seeing Bella, even though nothing could keep me away now, ever. "Did you expect anything else?"

Bella's eyes were mad, and then the thought for a moment, about something else.

"What's the story?" She asked, after, casually.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's, my excuse for disappearing for... how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days." My eyes tightened, but I still tried to smile, "Actually I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I tried to comfort her.

She did seam comforted, but she still sat there thinking a lot.

"So," Bella began, thinking again. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

My face turned wary, I wanted to tell her I was sorry but Bella, surprisingly, wanted to know about what I had been up to and that hadn't exactly been fun _or_ successful. "Nothing terribly exciting."

"Of course not." Bella mumbled, making a half normal half-grimace face.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well..." She pursed her lips, thinking. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" Bella repeated scornfully. I waited, patiently. "Maybe, of you tell me."

"I was... hunting."

"Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I hesitated, and then spoke slowly, picking out the best way to say it. "I wasn't hunting for food... I was actually trying my hand at... tracking. I'm not very good at it." I admitted.

"What were you tracking?" Bella asked, intrigued.

"Nothing of consequence." I told her while thinking about how unsuccessful it was, Victoria was here while I thought she was in South America.

"I don't understand." Bella said.

I wanted, no needed to tell her, now, exactly everything and every reason.

I hesitated, while thinking of how to begin.

"I-" I sucked in a big breathes of Bella's scent. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria"-my lips curled back when I said _her_ name-"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize who now-she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing new occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him-that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice-what she saw herself-when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself"-I shuddered, pausing for a second. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

"Stop," Bella interrupted me. I started at her, agonized. I needed to tell her, get it all out, she needed to know how bad I felt for leaving, how ashamed of myself I am for making this mess and then leaving it to her, something which obviously a human couldn't cope with.

Bella thought for a while again but finally said, "Edward, this has to stop now. You can't let this... this _guilt_... rule you life. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped of that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's in your... your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible-think of Esme and Carlisle and-" She stopped, taking a deep breath, calming herself down. One thing for sure though, she was wrong.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. "Do you honestly believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?"

She was looking at me with blank incomprehension on her face. "Didn't you?"

"Fell guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend?"

"Then... what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said, my voice soft but my eyes were fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death,"-I shuddered the last word-"even if it _wasn't _my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful-I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what as I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

"The odds..." I muttered, distracted... remembering back to before I left, before Bella's birthday party, when we were watching _Romeo and Juliet_. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Rome again."

"But I still don't understand, that's my whole point. So what?" _So what?_ So what, if you die?

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was_ dead?"

I stared at her. What was she talking about? Why would I not care? "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me."

I brushed the tip of my finer against her lower lip, burning my finger. "Bella, you seem to be under misapprehension." I closed my eyes, shaking my head while half smiling, but not a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist." I told her, honestly.

"I am... confused." She looked almost dizzy.

I stared her deep in the eyes, understanding why she would be confused. I still had more explaining to do. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

She froze, her muscles locking. Her breath whooshed out of her and she looking in pain.

I shook her shoulder. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced. "That was... excruciating."

She didn't say anything, she just sat there frozen."

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye. You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it-it felt like it would kill me to do it-but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," Bella whispered, remembering what I said to her that day.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible-that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant a seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry-sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I loved you, how could you just let one word break your faith in me?" I asked, pained, someone like Bella deserved someone who could be human with her; I'd understand if that's what she thought of me. She didn't answer thought, she still sat there but more shocked now.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept-as if there were any way that _I _could exist without needing _you_."

She sat there, staring. I shook her shoulder again and her teeth rattled.

"Bella, really, what were you thinking!"

And after that, Bella started crying. The tears forming in her eyes and flowing down her face.

"I knew it, I _knew_ I was dreaming."

"Your impossible." I said and did a hard frustrated laugh. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't love you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head, while her tears kept gushing.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," Bella explained, her voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."

My eyes narrowed and my jaw tightened.

"I'll prove you're awake." I promised.

I caught her face between my hands and secured it, ignoring her struggles.

"Please don't," She whispered.

I stopped, my lips half an inch away from hers.

"Why not?" I demanded. This is exactly what I thought may have happened.

"When I wake up"-I opened my mouth to protest-"okay, forget that one-when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled my face back an inch to look her in the eyes better.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were do... hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try and spare my feeling, please- just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I whispered.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

She stared at me darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you-and there's nothing you can do about it!" She answered.

"That's all I needed to hear." And I moved my face quickly toward where our lips would touch.

Bella didn't try and stop me this time. I didn't want to kiss Bella carefully, I was still careful obviously but I let it go past the 'lines'.

Bella kissed me back, whilst her heart was pounding disjointed and her breathing turned to panting. She moved her hands to my face and glided her fingers everywhere she could reach and then to my hair, holding me to her. I did the same back to her, at the same time but I left my hands on her face. I could feel her warm body against mine, every line and curve, which was Bella. I'm glad I didn't listen to her; the pain left my body and all I could think again was Bella, but that she was here, right in front of me, _with _me.

In a moment whilst my lips were free, I whispered her name.

I pulled away from Bella, and laid my ear in front of her heart. Another thing to remind me that was Bella was here, alive. The disjointed rhythm of her heart sounded like music to me.

Bella lay there, quietly, except for her gasping.

"By the way, I'm not leaving you." I told her casually.

She didn't say anything.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you, I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you-keeping you from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted... what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay-thanks heavens for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything." Bella whispered.

I got angry again. "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No-not lying." She shook her head, thinking. "You could mean it... now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for, right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time-and not much of it-before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

Bella grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I insisted, glaring. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited, studying her face while I spoke, making sure she was listening.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," Bella mumbled.

"That's the problem-they can't." I explained.

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed, without humor." Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the... the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone-like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," Bella muttered.

I arched an eyebrow. "Funny?"

"I meant strange-I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breath in so long." She breathed in, appreciating it. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I closed my eyes and placed my ear over her heart again.

Bella pressed her cheek to my hair and breathed in.

"Tracked wasn't a distraction then?" Bella asked, curious, trying to distract herself.

"No. That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with... Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil-and really she came here." I groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears-"

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" Bella half-shrieked.

I could hear Charlie's snores stutter and then go back to normal.

"Not well," I answered, studying her outraged expression, confused. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

"That is... out of the question," Bella choked.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after-"

Bella interrupted me, "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" She asked, "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned and a snarl began building in my chest. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die. Soon." I snarled her name out.

"Let's not be hasty maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

My eyes narrowed and I nodded. "Its true .The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I was about to say something, but then changed my mind. Instead my teeth clicked together and I spoke through them, "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seam like such and inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about second greatest?" She hedged.

"All right," I agreed, suspicious.

She paused, thought and then said, "There are others after me," She reminded my in a small voice.

I sighed. "The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?"

"You don't seem upset about it," She noted.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I added lightly.

Bella looked at me horror-struck.

"You don't have to be afraid," I said, anxious because fresh tears had formed in her eyes. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here."

I placed my hands around her face, holding it there do keep eyesight. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty_," Bella whispered, and the tears leaked over. "What? You're going to let me get all old anyway? Right?"

My eyes softened, while my mouth went into a hard line, "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choices have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really..." Bella started, but stopped and thought again.

"Yes?" I asked after awhile.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? You _grandmother_?" She spoke, remembering something.

My face softened, and I brushed the tears from her cheek with my lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me, you will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course..." What if she wanted something more? Children? Someone to be with, completely? "If you outgrew _me_-if you wanted something more-I would understand that, Bella, I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" Bella demanded. I'd already thought it all through, and she knew I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can." I promised.

"That is seriously... sick." She was right, but I had no other choice.

"Bella, it's the only right way left-" I started but Bella interrupted me.

"Let's just back up for a minute, you do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_, do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But..."

"But?"

I grinned and Bella stared at me warily.

"I have a few plans."

"And these plans. These plan all center around me staying _human_." Bella said, her voice getting more acidic with every word.

My expression hardened at her words. "Naturally." My tone was brusque. And I was being arrogant.

We glowered at each other for a while until Bella took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and pushed my arms away. Didn't she want me close anymore?

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, and her heart fluttered.

"No. _I'm_ leaving."

I watched her climb out of bed, and trip over everything in her way of her shoes, suspiciously.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house," She told me whilst still looking for her other shoe, which I had just noticed.

I got up and went to her side, after picking up her tatty tennis shoe. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?" I asked curious, if she used the truck it would wake Charlie.

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie."

"I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?" She was in trouble, but I was in more.

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here." I suggested.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," Bella encouraged, teasingly, and headed for the door.

I was there before her and blocked her exit.

She frowned, and turned for the window.

"Okay. I'll give you a ride." I sighed.

Bella shrugged. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there, too."

"And why is that?" I asked.

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My view on which subject?" I asked through my teeth, knowing it was about Bella's mortality.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say." This hurt, because I didn't think being human was stupid, and that Bella thought I was center of the universe...

"A say in what?" I asked, again, checking if I was actually right.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

**A/N - I think I messed this up, sorry if I have.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW... for my next chapter, vote.**


	7. AN Sorry!

**I have abandoned this story. Sorry. I have been major busy though. With Christmas, new years, school, ECT. And I haven't been in the mood to write because school has been so boring, I've been tired, learning keyboard, and I've been in major bad moods because of this lad who is (I mean was) my friend and he is being a total idiot… But, yea, no one really wants to know about him.**

But I promise to try and finish writing it so it could be up on Sunday or something…


	8. Vote Part 1

**Chapter 24 Vote**

I wasn't happy about how Bella was so desperate to throw her life out the window and give it no second thoughts.

She looked at my face, and could tell that I wasn't happy about it.

But I forgot about that and gripped Bella and I jumped from the window.

It wasn't that far, for me, but I think Bella was surprised by the little intake of her breath, which I don't think she even noticed, and said "All right then, up you go." with disapproval whilst I helped her onto my back and took of into the dark forest.

Bella's heart speed up, but she didn't hide from the forest speeding by, she watched. Obviously, not able to take it in properly because of her vision.

The air felt damp as I ran, and cold, but I didn't pay attention to the cold. I thought about the warmth coming from Bella, it felt amazing and though it may make my throat burst into flames, I appreciated it, and I treated it like a reminder, that it was Bella on my back. I wasn't imagining things, this was real.

Bella's chin stayed rested on my shoulder and her cheek against my neck.

I could hear her hair whooshing in the wind and her clothes flapping when we went around a tree. But the most amazing, significant, sound which was Bella's heart beat. Thumping evenly, like music.

Bella turned her head and pressed her warm lips to my neck.

That brought me from my thoughts.

"Thank you, does that mean you've decided you're awake?" I asked.

Bella laughed, "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured to myself, unhappy that Bella still thought she was asleep, even though it's my own fault. "If it's my final act." I finished.

"I trust _you_; it's me I don't trust." She assured me.

"Explain that, please."

I slowed to a walk, because we neared the house.

"Well-" Bella started but struggled to find the right words. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I stopped walking and reached around to pull Bella from my back and place her on her feet.

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, hugging her to myself.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered, "Never doubt that."

She thought about that and then I started talking again. "You never did tell me…" I started.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess." She sighed and reached up to touch the top of my nose with her index finger.

I nodded understanding. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." I said grimly.

She rolled her eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

I looked at her with tense eyes.

"You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

I knew the pain Bella had gone through whilst I had been away, I felt awful for it. It put me through more pain knowing about what Bella had gone through. It made me feel sick for everything I had done. And that I had put Bella through so much danger whilst trying to _take away_ the danger, which was me.

"Don't" Bella whispered, reading my face and then touching it. "Don't be sad."

I pulled the corner of my mouth up. "If there was only some way to make your see that I _can't_ leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you." I told her, only in a whisper.

Bella seemed to like the idea of time. "Okay." She agreed.

I was still angry at myself and sad because of the mess I had left behind me.

"So-since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" Bella said, trying to distract me.

I laughed, it had surprised me a little that she hadn't fount them. "Your things were never gone; I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets-they're all under your floorboards." I told her, honestly. She looked surprised.

"_Really?_"

I nodded; pleased that she was happy it was all still there, and not thrown away. She deserved good memories. I was still unhappy about everything else, though.

"I think, I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time." Bella told me slowly, trying to find the logic in her thoughts.

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or dies. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

We both were quiet, and then I thought about the last part, "Voices?" I asked flatly. What kind of voices? _Who's_ voice?

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."

I looked at her warily, and then decided to continue asking about it. "I've got time." I said trying to keep my tone even.

"It's pretty pathetic."

I waited, saying nothing.

She thought for a moment and then started explaining. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off the cliff for fun." I answered, without emphasis, I was furious about it but there was nothing I could do about the past, and I am incredibly thankful that Jacob was there to save her.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle-"

"Motorcycle?" I asked, trying to stay calm so she could tell me about the voices.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice that part."

"No."

"Well, about that… see, I found that... when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly, I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried to not thing about you, but this didn't hurt so much-it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I was completely mortified that Bella had put herself in big danger, like _motorcycles_, just to hear my voice. "You… were… risking your life… to hear-" My voice came out half-strangled.

"Shh, hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Bella stood there thinking for awhile, I watched and waited. Still shocked and annoyed that she would risk her life so much just to hear my voice.

She continued to think for about a minute then said. "Oh!"

"Bella?" I asked.

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"You epiphany?" I asked, starting to get worried about Bella.

"You love me," Bella marvelled.

I was still anxious, but then I smiled. "Truly, I do."

Bella's heart sped up, and looked like she couldn't breathe nearly. She looked at me so... happy and lovingly that all I could do was stand there… looking into her eyes.

I took her face into my hands, and kissed her. Bella's breathing became uneven and her heart was pounding. I pulled my lips off hers and rested my forehead against hers, noticing she wasn't the only one breathing harder.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I told her.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family-I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I grinned, sheepish. "It was too much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She looked at me relieved and even happier.

"I only heard one voice," She corrected me.

I laughed and pulled her against my right side and started walking toward the house again.

"I'm just humouring you with this," I motioned with my hand to the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged and led her through the open front door, flipping lights on my way.

Bella looked around the room and I shouted for everyone. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" Even though I could hear there minds clearly. And Alice had probably seen us coming.

Carlisle came into the room first, acting natural. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay." Bella glanced up at me and then Carlisle looked at me, too, asking me in his mind about what was going off. " It's about something important."

"Of course, why don't we talk in the other room?"

We walked through to the living room and then around the corner to the dining room, Carlisle flicked lights on as he passed them.

Once he was done he pulled a chair out for Bella and she sat down noticing everyone behind us.

Carlisle sat at Bella's right and I sat at her left, whilst everyone else took there seats silently.

Carlisle nodded at Bella. "The floor is yours."

I sensed Bella's nervousness, and I took her hand under the table to calm her.

I listened to Alice in her mind, _Edward, please don't break the TV; we didn't get it that long ago…_ I looked at her confused and she showed me a vision… _Bella flinched after hearing the loud crash from the other room – and then the TV was in pieces._

I looked away; this convocation wasn't going to turn out like that, was it?

"Well, I'm hoping Alice had already told you everything that happened in Volterra?" Bella asked.

"Everything." Alice assured Bella.

"And on the way?"

"That, too." Alice nodded.

"Good, then we're all on the same page."

"So, I have a problem, Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something so avoid.

"And so, now, this involved you all. I'm sorry about that." Bella looked around the table, anti-clockwise and finished with me, I grimaced. "But, if you don't want me, them I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme was about to speak but Bella held her finger up, to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you all know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess ill go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them _coming _here_."

A faint growl in my chest became known. But Bella ignored it.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

Bella had smiled on the last word and then she gestured to Carlisle.

"Wait a minute," I interrupted. Aro had thought of nearly every way to ensure Bella would have her human life taken, but he hadn't thought of one thing.

Bella glared at me through her narrowed eyes. I raised my eyebrows at her, and squeezed her hand.

"I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed, clearly annoyed.

"About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

I became more animated, and put my free hand on the table, leaning forward.

"You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I grinned.

"Which was?" Alice asked me. Her expression was just as skeptical as Bella's.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I glanced at Bella. She shuddered, remembering.

"He finds people-that's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker-a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavour? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor.. of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged. I doubted Demetri could find Bella considering she was immune to Aro, Jane and I.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella said flatly.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind." I said, smug.

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" I said with fierce enjoyment.

Emmett was proud of my plan and I looked over at him and we exchanged a smirk.

"But they can find you." Bella reminded me.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed and his fist reached across the table.

"Excellent plan, my brother." Emmett said with enthusiasm, obviously looking forward to any kind of fight involved.

I stretched my hand forward to smack our fist together.

"No," Rosalie hissed, unhappy about any kind of fight involving Emmett.

"Absolutely not." Bella agreed.

"Nice." Jasper said his voice appreciative.

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

Esme glared at me, also unhappy about a possible fight, she was worried to, though.

Bella straightened in her chair, ready to speak again.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." Bella spoke coolly.

She looked at me first and said "Do you want me to join your family?"

When she put it like that it sounded like I didn't want her around with my family.

"Not that way. You're staying human."

She nodded and turned to Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes." Though he didn't completely want her to, he just wanted everyone happy.

"Rosalie?"

She hesitated, biting her bottom lip and then said "No."

Bella turned her head, but Rosalie held her hands up to stop her.

"Let me explain, I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I with there had been someone there to vote for me."

Bella nodded slowly then turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" Emmett grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella grimaced and looked toward Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family."

"Thank you, Esme." Bella murmured and turned towards Carlisle.

Carlisle was looking at me telling me that he wanted Bella in the family and that he would turn her if I didn't want to.

"Edward," Carlisle said.

"No," I growled. I jaw went tight and my lips curled back.

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." He insisted.

I dropped Bella's hand, shoving away from the table and walked out of the room, snarling.

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed.

I was angry about everything and annoyed. Why couldn't Bella just stay human? I hadn't noticed what I was doing until I had punched the TV and it crumpled to pieces. Alice's vision had come to life after all.

I was walking around it circles listening to little parts of their convocation.

The last I got was "Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

"No! _No! _NO!" I roared as I charged back into the room.

I bent over Bella, staring her in the eye.

"Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" I shouted at her. She cringed away from me and covered her ears with her hands.

"Um, Bella," Alice started with an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella reminded her ducking her head under my arm.

I was getting angrier and just wanted Bella to agree to stay human, but Bella was always difficult.

"I know, but… seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

"You can do it, I trust you." Bella encouraged.

I snarled, furious.

Alice's thoughts were quite a mess with everything going off and she was trying to make sure I wouldn't loose control. She was panicking.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned and looked at him.

I grabbed Bella's face, not thinking properly, and forced her to look me in the eye. My other hand was towards Carlisle's face, meaning for him to not answer Bella's question.

But, he ignored it. "I'm able to do it; you would be in no danger of me losing control." _Edward. Cut it out. You're going to hurt her if you don't… _I stopped listening. I was under full control.

"Sounds good." Bella half mumbled because of my hand holding her jaw.

"Hold on; it doesn't have to be now." I said through my teeth. Why does she want it so badly?

"There's no reason for it not to be now." Bella argued back.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can, now let go of me." She said sourly. I let go of her and folded my arms. I felt quite bad but the anger was winning against any other emotion.

"In two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them." Bella said, but frowned knowing I was right.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_ I suggest that we put this convocation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moved out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella." Carlisle agreed.

She thought about it, I could see a little pain in her eyes then she said. "I'll consider it."

I relaxed. My jaw unclenched and I breathed a little, quiet sigh. I had another plan. One that would pro-long Bella's human life. Now I wanted to rush back and tell her it.

"I should probably take you home, just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella looked to Carlisle. "After graduation?"

"You have my word."

She took a deep breath then turned to me. "Okay. You can take me home."

I rushed out, before she could get anymore promises from anyone else. We went out the back way and started instantly.

I kept thinking about what I was planning, would it work? Would she say yes? Does she want that? I know her mother isn't too keen on the idea. I've never heard Bella voice her opinions on this particular subject, so I'm clueless.

We shot up the side of the house without hesitation, and once we we're in I let her go onto the bed.

I paced, thinking through the pros and cons.

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work,"

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"Ugh." Bella groaned, and threw herself onto the bed with the sheet over her face.

I looked at her, there was a little dent from where her nose was sticking up, and she was breathing out heavy sighs. I went over to her silently and flipped the cover back to she her beautiful face. I reached my hand up, gently, to brush her hair away from her cheek.

"If you don't mind, id much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something."

"What?" She asked, unwillingly.

**Okay folks, I'm leaving it there. This is massive (well it is to me) and I'm gonna do this chapter in two.**

**Review people! I love it! And also tell me if you actually think I should continue… I wasn't going to actually upload this but then I got a review from Volleyballgirl1112****‏**** and she loved the other chapters so I carried on.**

**So the chapter is for Volleyballgirl1112****‏**** !!! Thanks for convincing me! :D**


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